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Chapter 1, Day 1

A new time has begun and that's why a new blog has begun

Well, what can I say. For all those who don't know me, my old blog is www.myblog.de/little-sammy ...

A new time has begun. Why? Because I have finished 13 years of school and with it my life as child and teenager. Now I'm a grown-up with all the duties, feelings and thoughts a grown-up has.

When I was a child I thought it might feel strange to suddenly think in another way. But it happened so slowly that it turned out to feel normal.

The only thing I miss about being a child is my fantasy which became less and less during the years and for a while I was afraid I'd lose it. But the fact that I made my dream come true - I'm a kindergarten teacher now - helps me to continue dreaming and hoping. And for dreaming you need fantasy.

I have made a lot of experience with wrong and mean "friends" and a lot of problems I have met during my life. And it even feels awkward to write "life" cause with 19 - have you even had a life? Something you can truly call life?

I think I remember too many things. Everything seems like it was just yesterday so maybe I need to wait a little until I can really talk about experiences that influenced my life.

Back to the fact that I am a kindergarten teacher now. I dreamed about it since I was 11, I attended the nursery college for 5 years and honestly; I went through hell. My classmates were the only reason I managed to get up every morning and go there cause most of the time it was a torture. I spent half of my youth in this building, surrounded by teachers who didn't care if we have social contacts or any spare time anymore. Maybe it was a good thing because it showed me what I can stand, how much I can do if I just fight.

But on the other hand it a part of me.

I'm more than I was before I attended this school but wasn't it supposed to be like that anyway? Would I have stayed the little 14 year old girl I was without a clue how mean people can be and how much life can kick your ass? Or would I have grown up to who I am today even without a lot of stress, tears and nightmares in this school?

No matter what, I just know that I graduated and I never have to go back. I have fought for 5 years and now I finally can see the goal. The goal which I could not see when I was sitting in the classroom and studying so much that my brain felt like numb. When I fell asleep with my head lying on a book and when I cried cause I didn't even feel strong enough to write another useless homework.

Tomorrow I will start working. And I already know now that it feels like heaven.

6.9.10 17:19
 


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